In the weeks before the coronavirus got into the heads of our collective consciousness you could hear calls for quarantine all around. Not the widespread lockdowns you have now, no\u2014they go too far, the public cries. What those early quarantine criers asked for is that they would be isolated, just them. It hadn\u2019t any rhyme or reason, these people simply thought they would enjoy a couple of weeks of being isolated. To press a big pause button, so you will. Yet now this state of limbo is upon us their cries die down, with the ramifications of a pandemic starting to sink in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because the reality is that loneliness is no laughing matter and, what\u2019s more, it\u2019s extremely complicated. A more tortuous thing than the virus which is causing it. For while COVID-19 contamination mostly does not discriminate and jumps from host to host without any care if they\u2019re popular, penniless, or Tom Hanks, loneliness affects everyone differently. People who are used to being alone might be able to handle two weeks of quarantine with ease, while to another solitude becomes a crushing weight they are unable to \u2014 but must \u2014 bear by themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That is, of course, the curse of loneliness: you can not handle life alone, but it is alone that you have to handle it. A mandatory lockdown adds to this in such spectacular fashion, that we can not help but wonder what will become of us\u2014a humanity not made to be alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What makes this all the more poignant is that most people are not spectacularly good at accepting the pain of others, opting rather to project their own state of mind on the shell that is another person. This means that anyone who is lonely and dares to call it out, hoping to find some solace in similarity \u2014 others who are feeling the same \u2014 shall have to brace for the brunt of people unable to stomach the feelings of others. \u2018I do not feel lonely, so why should you,\u2019 seems to be an all too common sentiment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This, of course, turns feeling lonely into a cardinal sin\u2014making it all the more impossible to bear. If you do not dare to speak of how lonely you feel, never shall you understand there\u2019s more of us\u2014because yes, I sometimes feel lonely too, even without a quarantine keeping me isolated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, we might wonder, how to feel lonely\u2014and is there even a right way to do it? Why, yes, as with the coronavirus, of course, there\u2019s a right way. When you don\u2019t want to be contaminated you\u2014as John Oliver likes to put it\u2014don\u2019t go running around licking subway poles. And in isolation, you don\u2019t put the emphasis on being alone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In my humble, and wholly unprofessional opinion, it is, in fact, the worst possible option to treat quarantine as a vacation from responsibility \u2014 isn\u2019t it this sense of duty that has the power to makes us feel most alive? Now the world is at our fingertips, we should celebrate isolation by finally taking the time to do that thing we\u2019ve always wanted (or at least ask yourself if that\u2019s really what you want, after all.) In isolation then, we have the time to finally find out our own importance \u2014 if not in the world at large, then at least within ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Do you know that\u2019s why I started to make my bed every morning? So that when I go to bed, no matter what went down during the day, I open the door and see someone cared enough about me to make my bed\u2014and it was me. Even if all day long no one asked me how I was, or how I felt, at the end of the road there\u2019s always someone who cares. And isn\u2019t that the most important thing to combat loneliness, to feel there\u2019s someone else who cares, no matter if you see them or can touch them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That brings me to we can accept the loneliness of others. Alas, I can not here offer you a solution to insularity \u2014 people who can not imagine the pain of others have and are a far bigger problem. Yet, with loneliness, there\u2019s also the problem of the quasi-helpful. I\u2019m talking here about the \u2018I am\u2019-\u2018you\u2019re not\u2019, or backfire conversations that we have all dealt with in one way or another.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Loneliness is a burden. It\u2019s something you feel you\u2019re carrying and your expectation is that no one wants to take it away from you. The longer you hold on to it, the bigger it becomes. You feel that in the hands of another that burden would lighten, but also that there\u2019s no one who wants to help you carry it. You meet a fellow human being and see in them a perfect candidate for the help you so desperately want and try to give them your burden: \u201cI am feeling lonely.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNooo, you\u2019re not lonely. You have your family and your friends and you have me and next month there\u2019s this big party you\u2019re going to. It\u2019s just this corona-thing is getting in your head, you\u2019ll be fine,\u201d is their reaction. You gave your ball of burden and they fired it right back. It backfired. If they would just hold onto your burden for a second it would vanish, but no one\u2019s holding on\u2014they return it and say it\u2019s not what you think it is. \u2018That\u2019s not loneliness,\u2019 is a hurtful thing to hear and it makes you carry your burden a little longer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What we need then in these fearful times is not to get sucked into each other\u2019s panic or complacence, but to accept. To take whatever I\u2019m holding, even for just a second, because my burden is weightless to you if you just look me in the eye and say: \u201cIt must be really hard you\u2019re feeling that way.\u201d We all need to know we\u2019re not insane\u2014that it\u2019s okay that we\u2019re alone and don\u2019t want to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then we can be quarantined and locked down and holed up for however long it takes to kick this COVID-19 thing and come out sane at the other end. And if we don\u2019t, if we can\u2019t even accept each other’s loneliness, isn\u2019t that the sign of a bigger problem? That we are well and truly alone.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
These are strange times, where loneliness is just an isolated day away \u2014 how can we handle it?<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2029,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[59,60,61,58,63],"countries":[],"class_list":["post-2104","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-category-journal","tag-coronavirus","tag-covid-19","tag-loneliness","tag-lonely","tag-social-distancing"],"yoast_head":"\n